It's A Wonderful Life Except In Potions
by Topaz
Summary: My first non-sugar-high fic! Yay! Instead of being insane it's just cheesy...joy.


IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE EXCEPT IN POTIONS  
by Topaz  
  
Now, I'm reasonably sure that this It's A Wonderful Life/Harry Potter thing must have been done at least three thousand times. *Shrugs* Oh, well. Too bad. I'll still make you suffer through yet another one. This one begins with Neville drowning in the lake after Malfoy threw Trevor the toad in it. Neville is such a stupid chump.  
  
LET THE FIC BEGIN  
  
Neville was dead. And it was Ron's fault.  
  
"Ron," Harry said urgently. "Ron, listen. It wasn't your fault-- you couldn't have stopped him. You said yourself you didn't think he would actually do it."  
  
"It was Malfoy's fault, really," Hermione added. "He threw Neville's toad in the lake and dared him to go get it. Not you."  
  
"I could've stopped him that night," Ron said dully. "I heard him tell Malfoy that he was going to get Trevor. I should've known Neville would sneak out and try to dive in the lake. It's my fault he drowned."  
  
Harry and Hermione looked at each other uneasily. "Ron, it's Christmas. Cheer up."  
  
"Go away," Ron said.  
  
"Ron..."  
  
"Leave me alone!" Ron yelled. He jumped to his feet and raced to his dorm, then flung himself face down on his bed. What was the point of living, anyway? Sooner or later he'd die, like Neville. And no one would care. No one cared about him. He was also pushed into the background, while Harry and his brothers got the spotlight. Probably none of them would care if he died.  
  
Ron lay there for a long time, then slowly climbed out of bed and headed to the Astronomy tower.  
  
  
It was very windy on top of the tower. One particularly strong gust nearly knocked him over. Ron stepped to the edge of the tower and leaned over.   
  
"Don't do it."  
  
Ron jumped, and whirled around. A young woman with dark red hair and green eyes stood before him. "Don't do it," she repeated. "Falling from the Astronomy tower is very painful."  
  
Ron backed away a step and nearly fell. "Who are you? What do you want?"  
  
"My name is Lily Potter," the woman said. "I'm an angel in training, but in order to get my wings--"  
  
"Lily Potter is dead," Ron said bitterly. "Like Neville. You're not Harry's mother."  
  
"In order to get my wings I have to save you. You're the only chance I have after that disaster in the American election." Lily frowned moodily. "I didn't mean for it to be a tie. It's all Bush's fault."  
  
Ron tried to back away again, but there was no room. "Get away from me, you're crazy." He looked down, and immediately regretted it; the sight made him dizzy. "Stay away or I'll jump."  
  
"I wouldn't say that," Lily continued cheerfully. "Falling from up here is extremely painful. First you get windburn from falling, and you can't breath, and you get really sick to your stomach, and then you hit the ground, and it feels like everything explodes in pain. Really bad. Trust me, you don't want to jump."  
  
"How do you know what it's like?" Ron asked. "Voldemort killed you."  
  
"True," Lily agreed. "But I tried to commit suicide myself. Harry's father saved me at the last second; he slowed down my fall so that I didn't die when I hit the ground-- just got very bruised."  
  
Ron winced and tried not to listen. "You're making that up."  
  
"It's against regulations for angels to lie," Lily replied. "You're not being very helpful, you know. How would you like to think that you're responsible for my not getting wings?"  
  
"Go away!" Ron shouted at her. "Just leave me alone! I wish I was dead. I wish I was never born!"  
  
The second he shouted those words, everything began spinning. Ron felt like he was falling-- had he jumped?-- and then for a moment he blacked out. Then he was back to normal-- but Hogwarts wasn't.  
  
"Where am I?" Ron stared around him in horror. The old castle was crumbling and falling apart; the lake was choked with weeds. He was standing on the front lawn, which was covered with dead grass.  
  
"The Hogwarts of the future." Lily smiled at him. "Pretty sight, isn't it?"  
  
"How did it get like this?" Ron shook his head. "You're lying. I'm dreaming. You're just a figment of my deranged imagination."  
  
"That's not very nice," Lily said irritably. "How would you like it if someone accused you of being a figment of their imagination? Honestly."  
  
Ron backed away from the broken down castle. "This isn't Hogwarts. It's not. Maybe it's Durmstrang or Beauxbatons or something..."  
  
"Look at the sign on the door," Lily suggested gently. Unwilling Ron looked up, and saw a splintery sign hanging by one corner from the battered door. It said "H gwarts". Someone had spray painted over the O.  
  
"C'mon." Lily tugged at his sleeve. "Let's go inside. There's a school reunion."  
  
Ron let her pull him into the castle, trembling. None of this was happening.  
  
Inside, the dusty corridors were filled with men and women, most of them quiet. Ron couldn't recognize most of them.  
  
"Let's go see the people most affected by your not being born."  
  
"Huh?" Ron stared at her.  
  
"You don't exist here. No one can see you. You were never born." Lily smiled at him. "That's what you wanted, right?"  
  
"What?" Ron stared at her. "You're nuts. Of course I exist."  
  
"Try it," Lily suggested. "Say hello to someone."  
  
Ron turned around and came face to face with Fred. "Fred! Hey, Fred, you wouldn't believe what's going on here..."  
  
Fred ignored him and kept walking. His face was serious-- Ron had never seen him look like that before.  
  
"He hasn't been the same since George was murdered," Lily said sadly.  
  
Ron gaped at her. "George?"  
  
She smiled. "You'll see. Come on, follow me."  
  
I must be dreaming, Ron thought as she pulled him through the halls. I've lost it. I've cracked. Or maybe Malfoy spiked my pumpkin juice.  
  
"Here we are." Lily gave him a somewhat unpleasant smile. "Your best friend Harry Potter. My son. Here's what he turned out like without you."  
  
Ron stepped inside the classroom door and gasped. A pale young man with scruffy black hair, green eyes, and a lightning-shaped scar stood before him, his glazed eyes fixed on Lucius Malfoy, who was whispering orders to him and several other men Ron recognized as Death Eaters.  
  
"What's going on?" Ron said, horrified. "Why's Harry with them?"  
  
"Without you to give him support on his first day, Harry became friends with Draco Malfoy and his gang. He asked to be in Slytherin, and grew up to be a Death Eater. Voldemort forgave him for his downfall, and now he's one of Voldemort's minions." Lily sighed. "Thanks a lot, Ron. It feels great to have the son that I gave my life up to save turn around and start working for my murderer."  
  
"Why do you keep saying You-Know-Who's name?" Ron asked.  
  
"Well, what can he do to me?" Lily said. "I'm dead."  
  
"Do I have to see all this?" Ron pleaded, looking away from Harry's blank stare.  
  
"You have to see the results of your actions," Lily said primly.  
  
"It's not my fault!" Ron said hotly.   
  
Lily gave him another cool smile and beckoned. "Come on. There's more." Ron followed unwillingly.  
  
They were standing in a graveyard. Ron stared around him, seeing graves marked with hundreds of familiar names. "Neville Longbottom... Cho Chang... Seamus Finnigan... Oliver Wood... George Weasley... Bill Weasley... Charlie Weasley..." He looked up. "They died?"  
  
"Neville committed suicide. Since you, Harry, and Hermione never befriended him when you didn't exist, he felt so alone that he slit his wrists one night." Lily frowned. "Some unlucky angel is wingless forever. And Neville is dead." She continued. "Cho, Seamus, Oliver, George, Bill, Charlie, all killed by Voldemort supporters."  
  
"Percy? Ginny? Fred?"  
  
"Percy works for our dear friend Voldie," Lily replied. "Ginny was never born. Fred and Dean are drugs addicts."  
  
Ron snorted. "That is beyond ridiculous. C'mon, what's going on?"  
  
Lily gave him a cold stare. "I don't think you get it. Come on, let me show you something."   
  
They were standing in one of the corridors, a dimly lit hallway. A young man with pale hair, blue eyes, and a cold expression was standing in front of a woman with thick brown hair. Something about both of them seemed familiar.  
  
Lily smiled nastily. "Remind you of anything?"  
  
"Hermione," Ron whispered. "And Malfoy."  
  
"Hermione, I am sick of you behaving so disgracefully in public!" Malfoy snapped. "You've disgraced the family, you ungrateful Mudblood brat."  
  
"Draco, please..." Hermione said tearfully. "Draco, I have a headache, I'm tired, please, can we go home?"  
  
Malfoy grabbed her arm and raised his fist. "If you ever embarrass me like that again, I swear I'll kill you." He slammed his fist into her face, and Hermione stumbled backward, whimpering.  
  
"Leave her alone!" Ron yelled, but neither of them seemed to hear him.  
  
Malfoy kicked Hermione, then punched her again. Ron could see a large bruise spreading across her cheek from the first punch.  
  
"I said leave her alone!" he shouted, trying to grab Malfoy, but his hands went right through him. Ron turned to Lily. "Why can't I touch him?"  
  
"You were never born."  
  
"This isn't real," Ron said flatly. "It's a nightmare, or maybe I'm delirious. You don't exist."  
  
"I'm as real as you are," Lily replied. "Well, realer, I guess, since you were never born. This is real, Ron, and you know it. Face it."  
  
Malfoy punched Hermione once more, and she fell against a table, her head striking one corner. Ron could smell alchohol on Malfoy's breath as he staggered out of the room.  
  
"Hermione!" Ron knelt beside her. "Are you okay? Lily, is she..."  
  
"She's alive," Lily assured her. "For now."  
  
Ron looked up. "What's that supposed to mean?"  
  
Lily paused. "Come with me."  
  
They were standing on a balcony that Ron had never seen before, in the middle of the winter. Ron wrapped his robes tighter around him and shivered. "Why are we hear?"  
  
"This is the Malfoy Manor," Lily said softly. "Watch."  
  
It was Hermione who stepped out onto the balcony, but she looked several years older than before. She walked to the edge of the balcony and leaned against the railing for a few moments.  
  
"What's going on?" Ron said nervously.  
  
"Watch."  
  
Hermione placed one foot on the railing, then swung over it and stood, facing Ron and Lily, holding herself up with the railing.  
  
"She's going to jump!" Ron gasped. "Hermione, what are you doing?" He ran forward to stand in front of her. "Hermione, stop!"  
  
She didn't hear him. Ron tried to grab her arm and pull her back, but he went through her. "Lily, stop her!"  
  
"I can't," Lily said sadly. "And neither can you."  
  
Hermione closed her eyes and let go.  
  
"Hermione!" Ron screamed. He leaned over the railing and stared down. Hermione's lifeless body lay thirty feet below. Ron looked up at Lily, tears streaming down his face. "I don't want to see any more. Please, Lily."  
  
"You have to," Lily said. "God's orders."  
  
It was raining, and they were standing in the street, the scene lit by dim yellow streetlights. In front of Ron lay Harry, facedown in the streaming water.  
  
"Is he..." Ron stared.  
  
"Yeah." Lily nodded. "Dead. The drug addiction did it."  
  
"Drugs?" Ron snorted. "Harry doesn't do drugs."  
  
"He does when you don't exist," Lily retorted. "And now, thanks to you, my son is dead."  
  
"It's not my fault!" Ron yelled. "Why are you blaming all of this on me?"  
  
"Every life matters," Lily said. "It's a ripple effect. Without you, Harry went to the dark side, and Voldemort destroyed the world. Without Harry, Voldemort destroyed the world. Without Hermione, you and Harry didn't make it through the obstacles to reach the Sorceror's Stone, and Voldemort destroyed the world. Without every single on of each of your great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandparents, Voldemort destroyed the world. Without Voldemort's great-great-great-great-great grandmother, I would still be alive. You see? Everyone depends on everyone else. Trivial things can cause huge problems, or bring huge rewards. If my great-great-great-lots of greats grandfather hadn't gotten drunk one night in Nigeria, my great-great-great-great grandmother wouldn't have been born, and I wouldn't have been born, and Harry wouldn't have been born, and Voldemort would have destroyed the world. And you have to learn this."  
  
"I want to go home," Ron whispered.  
  
"Go home, then," Lily said coldly. "See what you find."   
  
They were standing in front of his house, but it wasn't the house he knew. It was old, ramshackle sagging building, with an overgrown lawn of weeds and dead grass. Ron felt his feet pulling him toward the door, and his hand reached up and knocked.  
  
His mother opened the door. "Who's there?" She peered around. "Who is it?"  
  
"It's me, mom," Ron said, but she couldn't hear him. Mrs. Weasley looked around one more time and then slammed the door.  
  
"She and Percy are the only members of your family left," Lily told him.   
  
Ron sagged against the side of the house. "I don't want to see anymore. What would have happened if I hadn't jumped?"  
  
Lily hesitated. "I'm not allowed to show you."  
  
"Please?" Ron begged.  
  
"She wouldn't like it."  
  
"God is a 'she'?" Ron said, startled.  
  
Lily nodded. "God's pen name is J. K. Rowling." She grinned. "And it's great to see the looks on Death Eater's faces when they find out God is female, the sexist pigs."  
  
"Oh." Ron sighed. "Can I go now?"  
  
"Look, I'll give you a brief preview," Lily said quickly. "But promise not to tell anyone?"  
  
"As if they would believe me," Ron said bitterly.   
  
They were standing in front of a house. It was fairly large, with several woody acres of land in the backyard and a pool. A little redhaired girl was playing in the yard with a golden retriever.  
  
"Who's she?" Ron asked.  
  
"Watch," Lily ordered. "And shut your mouth."  
  
A man, also redhaired, stepped out of the house. "Hey, Katie, whatcha doing?"  
  
The girl looked up. "Hi, Daddy. Sam and I are playing catch, but he's not very good."  
  
The man laughed. "Well, he only has paws, and you have hands. Tell you what, kiddo, I'll play catch with you and Sam can help you."  
  
"Okay, Daddy," Katie said happily.  
  
Ron stared at the man. "That's me."  
  
Lily nodded.  
  
"And that's my daughter." Ron swallowed hard. "Katie Weasley. Who's her mother?"  
  
Hermione Granger stepped out of the house. "Ron, Harry and Ginny are coming over for dinner. They're bringing the kids."  
  
"Thanks, love." The older Ron and Hermione kissed, and Hermione hugged Katie. Ron watched them, a lump in his throat.   
  
"Of course, since you were never born, Katie doesn't exist and Hermione is dead," Lily said, interrupting his thoughts. "You see, Ron? Without you, the world would have been destroyed. No one person can go through life without affecting anyone else."  
  
"But... why did Harry and Hermione die? I didn't really do that much."  
  
"Ron, you gave Harry a huge boost of confidence. Without you he would have felt alone, but with you he had a friend. That gave him the courage to tell of Malfoy. Your and Harry's friendship helped Hermione's self esteem immeasurably. Without you, and consequently also without Harry, Hermione ended up joining the dark side and marrying Malfoy. Without Harry to stop him, Voldemort got the Sorceror's Stone, gained power, and eventually destroyed the whole world.   
  
"The destruction of the world sent the moon spinning off into space, where it later was pulled into orbit by another planet and subsequently altered the pattern of its tides, killing quite a few sea creatures and causing lots of trouble for the fishing sapient life forms that lived there. Because the tides were changed, their whole system was disrupted and there was a food shortage that year. Because of that food shortage, one of the greatest leaders of the civilization starved to death as a baby and instead another one of them gained control, a real psychopath, and millions of them died. All because you weren't born."  
  
Katie hugged Ron's older self, and he hugged Hermione, then all three walked inside.  
  
Ron swallowed. "Lily?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Can I... can I go back to being alive?" Ron asked timidly.  
  
Lily smiled. "Goodbye, Ron. Good luck."  
  
"Ron! Hey, Ron!" Harry and Hermione, panting hard, joined him on the roof of Hogwarts. "What are you doing up here?"  
  
"You can see me?" Ron said eagerly. "I'm alive!"  
  
Harry and Hermione exchanged looks. "Sure, Ron..."  
  
"Well, we came up here to tell you that the Christmas party is starting," Harry said. "C'mon, let's go open our presents."  
  
A huge stack of gifts awaited Ron in the Common Room, as well as most of his friends and family.   
  
"This's been a great Christmas," Ron said thoughtfully at the end of the day, nibbling a chocolate chip cookie. "Neville would've loved it."  
  
Hermione looked up. "You're not depressed anymore?"  
  
Ron sighed. "I miss him; we all do, but we have to move on."  
  
"Yeah," Harry said. "Sometimes I wish I could spend just one day with my parents, though."  
  
Ron shrugged. "Your mom's kind of annoying."  
  
"What?" Harry and Hermione stared at him.  
  
"I said, these cookies are kind of cloying," Ron said quickly.  
  
"Hey," Hermione said suddenly. "There's another card under the tree we didn't see before." She used a Summoning Charm and the card zoomed over. "It's for you, Ron."  
  
The card had a picture of an angel on the front. Ron opened it and read the note scribbling inside.  
  
Dear Ron,  
Thanks for the wings! Good luck, and remember, every life counts.  
-Your Guardian Angel  
  
Ron looked up, and saw Fred and George grinning madly as they dangled a piece of mistletoe over him and Hermione, who was bright red.  
  
Ron grinned. It was a wonderful life.   
  
"Ten points from Gryffindor!"  
  
Except in Potions.  
  
  
Yay! My first non-insane fic! *Dances insanely around* I'm so proud of myself... AND I DIDN'T QUOTE PRINCESS BRIDE ONCE!!! This is, like, the first fic where I didn't. *Grins* Well, the fic may not have been silly, but it was cheesy in the extreme. *Shudders* Noo! Make the cheesiness go away!!! Oh, by the way, if you didn't understand what was going on in the second to last sentence, well, that's nice. I don't either. Maybe Snape was saying that to Fred/George and Ron heard it. Maybe not. Ask J. K. Rowling, a.k.a. God.  
  
Oh, by the way, no offense meant to peeps who do believe in God/Supreme Being/whatever. It's my personal belief that J. K. Rowling is God... why else would the books be so popular?  
  
Okay, okay, maybe J. K. isn't God. But I bet God likes Harry Potter.  
  
~Toodles~ 


End file.
